Why in the heck do I fail at new year resolutions? The reason resolutions fizzle out within the first three months is because there are too many physical movements to change at once. These physical movements are compounded with lack of true purpose, a BIG why and Big Emotion. A physical movement is a step in a sequence of action. The other culprit is a sense of urgency. Why all of a sudden the urgency? This urgency began sometime ago maybe, days, weeks or years. Urgency creates anxiety and anxiety leads to insufficient mindset in completing the purpose behind what you want to resolve. A resolution is a result not an action or series of actions. Unfortunately you can get a result without planned actions.
Although the word resolution sounds good it’s misleading. Because the word resolution doesn’t resolve anything you do! First of all are you really going to resolve many things? Resolutions imply multiple changes at once good luck that! It’s difficult attempting to change only one habit, let alone many. A habit is made of many components and physical movements. But, before we get into the components what does resolution mean anyway? Dictionary.com has 12 definitions of which I’ve listed six that relate to what we will be taking about, and using only one.
1. A formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group.
2. The act of resolving or determining upon an action, course of action, method, procedure, etc.
3. A resolve; a decision or determination:
Example: To make a firm resolution to do something. Example: Her resolution to clear her parents’ name allowed her no other focus in life.
4. The mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose:
Example: She showed her resolution by not attending the meeting.
5. The act or process of resolving or separating something into constituent or elementary parts.
6. The resulting state.
After reading all six definitions which one did you pick? I selected three because it applies to how most people understand what a resolution is. Resolution is a noun so it talks about a state of resolving or a state of being-ness only. When you make a determination what are you basing it on? What’s firm about it? Resolutions begin much sooner in our heads usually weeks, months or even years before. It begins with “I Should” statements the issue with Should’s they are always in the future and based on guilt. I should do this I should do that blaa blaa blaa.
So when enough should’s or guilt add up you decide to take action based on these guilts. Guilt is the driving force, not a real why you want to do something and not having powerful substance behind it. It’s like a bucket of water with a whole in the bottom of it constantly leaking out as you pour new water in! In other words guilt is shallow and hollow and doesn’t serve anyone. What is the power of resolving? Why are you resolving? What is it about this thing you want to resolve? Is it based on guilt? If it is, resolve the guilt first by
releasing guilt through self-amnesty. In other words forgive yourself! After forgiving yourself what other emotion can you select that will increase the level of resolution and substance? Can you resolve in Love? Gratitude? Joy? Happy? Hope?
Earlier I spoke about physical movements. Physical movements are individual steps we take to complete an action. Action and physical movements are not the same although connected. A series of physical movements done in sequence equals one action.
For example brushing your hair:
1. Grab the hairbrush from the bathroom counter with your right hand
2. With right hand place hairbrush on top of right side of head
3. With right hand move hand down from top of head to bottom of head
4. With right hand move hand down from top of head to bottom of head
5. With right hand place hairbrush on top center of head
6. With right hand move hand down from top center of head to bottom of head
7. Place hairbrush in left hand
8. With Left hand place hairbrush on top of left side of head
9. With left hand move hand down from top of head to bottom of head
10. With left hand move hand down from top of head to bottom of head
11. With left hand place hairbrush on top center of head
12. With left hand move hand down from top center of head to bottom of head
13. With left hand place hairbrush on bathroom counter
As you can see there are 13 steps in just brushing your hair. There are probably more steps I’ve missed! But you get the picture. All 12 steps or physical movements equal one action.
If you search your thoughts and feelings guilt is at the bottom of it. So let’s look at a solution in real time:
1. Release your guilt by writing a forgiveness letter to your mind and a letter from your mind to your body. Make mind and body letters at least two paragraphs each. You can write on the same sheet of paper for both.
Example: I forgive you mind for not helping me with my health…from now on…. Example: I forgive you body for not keeping me healthy and well…from now on….
2. What is YOUR purpose in resolving the resolution? Write it down! Is it real to you? Does it sound contrived? After writing the purpose down what feeling did you assign it? Love? Gratitude? Joy? Happiness? Hope? What if it’s neither of these. Keep writing out the forgiveness letter until you do.
Example: My purpose for losing weight is because I want to live a healthful and productive life, and the feeling I give it is Happiness.
3. Post your letter where you can see it everyday.
4. Take action only when you’re ready to.
5. Work on one habit at a time.If it’s to lose 10 lbs than learn to eat right first. 80% of health advances are in the kitchen and the food you eat. Make gradual changes instead all or nothing. For example if you eat fast food five times a week plan to remove one day from the week. Practice this for 3 weeks than see how you feel about. Do you miss it or can you go without it? Go with out it…great next week go three times instead of four. Repeat this process until your frequency is once in a while. You can use this methodology on most things.
Note: You may go longer or shorter you set the duration and speed.
6. Use the TMT Plan: Test- your new actions over a specific time frame: day, week, month etc; Measure your results over the assigned time frame-what did I get?; Tweak- add a couple of new physical movements based on actions and measurement.
Example: Purpose: My purpose for losing weight is because I want to live a healthful and productive life, and the feeling I give it is Happiness. I want to lose 10 pounds in 3 months.
Action Steps: 1. This week I will go to fast food restaurants four times in stead of five 2. I will begin on Monday and end on Friday 3. I feel Hopeful 4. Result: I went to fast food restaurants four days this week 5. Feedback: I got what I wanted 6. Not ready to change to three days a week yet. I will do this for another two weeks 7. Two weeks later: I’m ready to go down to three days a week beginning next week on Monday
In summary, we defined resolution as 3A resolve; a decision or determination and two examples; to make a firm resolution to do something, and her resolution to clear her parents’ name allowed her no other focus in life. Resolution is a noun so it talks about a state of resolving or a state of being-ness only. When you make a determination what are you basing it on? What’s firm about it?
Resolutions begin much sooner in our heads usually weeks, months or even years before. It begins with “I Should” statements the issue with Should’s they are always in the future and based on guilt. I should do this I should do that on and on and on. So when enough shoulds or guilt add up you decide to take action based on these guilts. It’s like a bucket of water with a whole in the bottom of it constantly leaking out as you pour new water in!
Resolve guilt first by releasing guilt through self-amnesty. In other words forgive yourself! After forgiving yourself what other emotion can you select that will increase the level of resolution and substance? Can you resolve in Love? Gratitude? Joy? Happy? Hope? Physical movements are individual steps we take to complete an action. Action and physical movements are not the same although connected. A series of physical movements done in sequence equals one action. It’s much easier to manipulate a physical movement instead of the whole habit. Change one step and the whole habit will be modified slightly.
When you are working on new actions remember to Test them within a specific time frame 1 week, 1 day, 1month etc. Next Measure the new result within the specified time frame by asking yourself, Did I get way I wanted yes or no? and then Tweak by making small adjustments to improve or enhance your result. Life is dynamic change and dynamic change is life. If you TMT often you will make gradual and constant change which will not seem like change at all.
References
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). Dictionary.com. Retrieved from
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). A formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually
after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group. Dictionary.com. Retrieved
from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). The act of resolving or determining upon an action,
course of action, method, procedure, etc. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). A resolve; a decision or determination: Example: To
make a firm resolution to do something. Example: Her resolution to clear her parents’ name allowed her
no other focus in life. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution\
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). The mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute;
firmness of purpose: Example: She showed her resolution by not attending the meeting. Retrieved from
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). The act or process of resolving or separating something
into constituent or elementary parts. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary. (2011). The resulting state.. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/resolution
