Many people today feel the world is more dangerous, less kind, and increasingly divided. An increasing number of young people report high levels of anxiety. People want to reduce hate, intolerance, and injustice. This leads to a demand for systematic protection. Social consciousness is proclaimed publicly and loudly. Loud voices are met by equally loud, contrary voices. With all that noise, what can we do to preserve our sense of well-being?
We should speak our minds freely. We should trust our own instincts. We should strive to remove bias from debate and decision. We want and demand safety, for ourselves and our families. However, these are not absolute truths.
Four Untruths
Speech Should be Free
Free speech is critical to democracy. But not all speech is free of consequence. The United Nations would place limits on hate speech, which they define as offensive discourse that targets a group or an individual based on inherent characteristics, discourse that may threaten social peace.
In Canada, the criminal code notes that hate speech is “expressed publicly, targets a person or group of people with a characteristic that is protected by Canada’s Human Rights Act and uses extreme language to express hatred towards that person or group of people.”
However, in the United States, the US Supreme Court has repeatedly ruled that most speech that would be considered hate speech in other Western countries is protected under the First Amendment.
So long as the US is the loudest English voice on the Internet, we should expect to hear more hateful comments—by politicians, public figures, and individuals seeking attention.
Free speech becomes part of the problem.
Believe in Yourself
We are told to trust and believe in ourselves. People are applauded for their uniqueness. If we think it, believe it, or feel it, it must be true.
Our feelings are real. But they can distort our understanding of external reality. If you doubt this, imagine this common occurrence. A loved one has not returned your calls or responded to your texts. You observe the behaviour, feel an emotional response, and then interpret the situation. Depending on your mindset, you might conclude: they are mad at you, they are selfish and rude, you’ve offended them, they don’t “really” love you, or something horrible has happened.
This is called emotional reasoning, but the reality might be (and probably is) something entirely different.
Having an overreliance on the validity of our feelings has led to a “call out culture.” Increased awareness of social injustice, exploitation, and power imbalances is a good thing. In an honest desire to be part of the solution, some people become hypersensitive and engage in a strange game of “eye spy.” Being called out for using the wrong word, or saying something that could be construed as racist, sexist, or ageist seldom fosters better discussion. A “gotcha” culture does more harm than good. And if the accused is a public figure, it can lead to persecution and harassment.
Your perception does not equate to intent.
Bias is Evil
We think society and decision-makers should be free from bias. It is true that cognitive biases can, and do, distort our thought processes.
But they exist, in an evolutionary sense, so that we can make sense of the world without overthinking every interaction. They’re mental shortcuts, and sometimes they are tremendously helpful. Biases can enable faster decisions in routine situations where speed is more important than accuracy, but we cannot ignore that they can cause and perpetuate problems.
A critical thought process requires that we watch for bias in our own and others’ arguments. We should make attempts to minimize the potential negative effects.
If “believe in yourself” and “bias is evil” are untruths, does that mean that we can never trust our intuition?
No, sometimes trusting your gut can be useful.
From a very early age we are taught that it is wrong to be a tattletale. This can become an intuitive response. We believe that someone else will take care of the loose screw, the ice on the wings, or the strange unattended package at the bus terminal.
To overcome this and allow people to trust their gut, New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority used the “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign to encourage individuals to speak up about perceived suspicious activities. It was so successful it was later licensed to the Department of Homeland Security. The campaign led to increased reporting, allowing authorities to focus their efforts and potentially save lives.
We should seek recognition of bias rather than elimination.
We Need Protection
We expect and deserve reasonable protection from physical harm. But when we rely on being protected and expect absolute safety, we can be left feeling vulnerable and dependent.
Fight or flight is a well-understood reaction to danger, stress, and fear. It works well if we think we see a tiger in the bush, as there is no time to weigh the alternatives—we must act to protect ourselves from the perceived danger.
Our complex world doesn’t just include identifiable, physical dangers. Fight or flight is not enough. We want not only to be safe—but to feel safe. It is difficult to protect people from physical danger. The real world is not an amusement park, with paved walkways, warning signs, and fences to save us from our own foolishness. Providing psychological safety is even more difficult.
The widely held (mis)belief that the world is more dangerous, coupled with a sense of our own vulnerability, perpetuates a sense of threat. We feel under attack. Words are shadows and we can’t determine the actual danger. We see tigers where none exist.
But some words are hateful and intended to cause harm. If the law can’t or won’t protect us from cruel opinions, nasty comments, and hurtful words, it stands to reason that institutions should create safe places.
It has been suggested that safe spaces (physical or virtual) should be free of bias. There should be no conflict or criticism. These spaces should protect us from “potentially threatening actions, ideas or conversations.” [Merriam-Webster]
This utopian safe space is a goal we cannot achieve. It would be bland, sterile, and restrictive. But the notion is pervasive. To create a safe space for all students, one primary school principal imposed a policy that students were not allowed to touch snow. Touching snow, he reasoned, leads to snowballs. And even one bit of stone or ice in a snowball could accidentally blind a child through a careless throw. You might see this as an extreme example, but high school students are routinely reprimanded for asking questions that could be perceived by another student as unpleasant, demeaning, or hurtful.
The intolerance for intolerance is becoming the problem.
The Antidote
Become Resilient
When you read or hear something that touches a nerve, makes you uncomfortable, or violates your sense of propriety, remember that you can control your response before acting.
If you are offended, ask whether your intuition is alerting you to real danger or if it is an emotional response. Not everything that makes us uncomfortable is an assault.
Start by assuming good intentions. If you knew, with certainty, that no harm was meant, would you feel different?
Does being offended increase or decrease your sense of well-being?
If you decide to do something, what should you do? What outcome can you reasonably expect? Is your reaction proportional to the offense?
Is it reasonable to think that an institution or other person should take steps to protect you from this perceived harm?
We have become a society that expects (and then resents) intervention. When we are not allowed to work things out on our own, we increase our sense of being powerless and feel less safe. By recognizing that we have control—we can change our reaction; we can resolve issues without intervention—we become more resilient and better able to deal with the next issue.
Control the one thing you can control: yourself.
Avoid Extremes
When it is time to act against an injustice or in support of a cause, you likely align yourself with a group of like-minded individuals. Larger groups have more influence. They can attract better resources, more people and finances. They can effect change. As the group comes together, the mission is clarified and formalized, and the group becomes more organized. There is a need for more infrastructure to continue the good work, which creates a cycle. As the group achieves or approaches success it becomes necessary to expand the mandate and demand more—or disband. To stay relevant, the group may become more extreme in words and actions.
Be wary of any organization, no matter how noble the mission, that demands an absolute solution. Avoid an “all or nothing,” “us versus them” mindset.
Outrage without action creates stress. Either reduce the outrage or find a meaningful action.
Pick Your Battles
We all have stress from critical personal and professional situations, as well as daily, mostly unavoidable stress. As stress accumulates, it reduces our ability to make good decisions. Engaging in any form of battle, whether figurative or literal, requires energy and increases stress levels. Choose wisely.
Sometimes when the small stressors are overwhelming and beyond our control, we will deliberately take on a new stress where we think we can make a difference.
Be kind to yourself. The world does need people who will take on the challenges. We all need to try to make the world a better place. But can you make a meaningful contribution by simply being the best you can be, by being kinder?
“Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?” William Shakespeare knew, “that is the question.”
Be Brave
Bravery does not always call for action; it often requires consistent patience in the face of adversity.
Do not align yourself with a slogan or buzzwords. We all love animals and children, and we hate greed, dishonesty, and oppression. But we don’t need to take our passions to extremes or force confrontation. There is room in this complex world for moderation; or at least for an acknowledgement that complex problems require complex solutions. Discretion is important. Knowing when to speak up and when to be silent are both forms of bravery. Both require strong principles.
Be brave enough to know that you might be wrong.
Summary
When a person is labeled—by themselves or others—there is a danger of entering a cognitive emotive loop. Simply, this is a repeating, self-reinforcing pattern.
Labels make us likely to interpret the world around us in ways that support and strengthen our identification with the label. If you identify as a member of a group that is persecuted, you may become predisposed to seeing persecution in every word or action. This, in turn, reinforces your belief that you and your group are persecuted.
Even positive labels, like being a strong advocate for animal rights, are still susceptible to emotive looping. You may begin to see almost all interactions with animals as harmful, which will reinforce your need to be a strong advocate.
Anti-bullying campaigns draw larger and larger circles around the definition of bullying, intensifying the need for more prevention and causing us to see the world as “us versus them.”
The adage, “to a hammer, every problem looks like a nail,” summarizes this effect nicely.
We can improve our sense of safety, well-being, and self-determination with these steps:
- Identify the untruth in conventional wisdom.
- Recognize that we always have choices.
- Reduce cognitive looping and emotional reasoning.
- Know that as stress increases, thinking decreases.
- Remember that free speech is not without cost.
- Be brave enough to admit you might be wrong.
