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A wise man once told me “the best revenge is living well.” This guy had it down – he was living what most people would call a fabulous life, full of exotic travel, fulfilling and exciting work, luxurious living quarters, fantastic restaurants and beautiful women. At the time, I was surrounded by chaos and secret enemies – haters if you will. He was very perceptive, and without my even mentioning it, he somehow sensed that I had these unseen enemies, as well as some that were very visible, weighing me down. He knew I wanted more, even if I didn’t realize it myself. Or maybe he knew I was capable of more.
This same individual also challenged me to think about where I would like to see myself in five years. At the time, I never gave the future much thought – I was just struggling to get through the day. I was also living well beyond my means, with huge amounts of credit card debt to show for it. People were dragging me down; I was completely drained each day at work only to return home to equally draining surroundings.
I allowed people to drag me down. I had many enemies – some of them were known to me, others were strangers. You could say that it hurt my feelings.
Sometimes I would try to dull my brightness out – to try to make myself less noticeable, less sparkly. It may have made my enemies happy, but it only served to make me feel worse.
The turning point for me, and the point that made the wise man’s advice really sink in, was when I received a transfer to a place that I have always loved, to live in a beautiful location – and get this – to get paid more to do so. Now, this was a case of the stars finally aligning for me – it was an event that I could have never predicted and did not plan. I was blessed, or – on darker days, I think cursed – with seeing how life could actually be – living surrounded by beauty and wealth.
But because I have lived it, I know it can be done.
These days I live a much different life, though rich in many ways. I now think about where I would like to be in five years, and I consciously work toward it. I still have haters – seen and unseen. Some are possibly even closely known. My approach now is very different – they don’t get me down. I don’t let them.
When that carousel of haters comes through and I field disrespectful behavior from strangers, friends, even family, I try to put it into perspective. Those people are only thinking about themselves and how things might affect them – they are not really thinking about me. Most people are consumed with their daily life and the struggles they face. Some people take their miseries and try to bring other people down because they are hurting inside. When they turn their misery onto me, I simply try to remember this, thereby releasing the haters. I release them of control over me and how I feel. I focus on my goals, of which I set many. I then proceed to work methodically toward those goals and check off each accomplishment one by one.
I make it a practice to find people who have found success or people I want to emulate – people who “live well” in my judgement and then surround myself with them, even if only in my mind. I study them, immerse myself in their habits and learn their habits.
It ultimately leads to a cleansing of sorts, a cleansing of toxic people from my life.
With each accomplishment and lesson learned my life improves, and eventually I am truly living well, and on my way to living even better.
How do you handle people who treat you badly?
I follow the light and I shine on, as bright as I possibly can. I release the haters. You can do it too.
Shelly Mateer is a former CIA officer. The author of Single in the CIA, Mission: Stand Down, and the Mingling in the CIA series, her books are inspired and influenced by her experience working under cover for the CIA’s Directorate of Operations. Now a mother of two young children, Shelly has created the BurpMitt® product line for baby and home and developed the Cooking in the CIA app. She has also written a children’s picture book, Mommy Thinks She’s a Monster and created a comical children’s music album, Mommy’s Gone Mad!
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