I was 20 when I started to learn golf. I remember being obsessed with the game. Playing as often as possible, reading how to books, and taking as many clients on the course as possible.
The best game I ever played was at River Run in Maryland. I finished seven over par, I was 25. At 26 my company at the time, MCI Telecommunications, had a golf outing with our global accounts on Long Island New York, and my foursome won 1st place.
I struggled to get good at golf, mostly because of negative ego, which is rooted in low self-worth. I’ve revealed my struggles with self-worth in my new book “Emotionally Aware Leadership”, the impact it had on my leadership development, and how I eventually cracked the code to becoming a better leader by tapping into consistent high self-worth.
One of the ways the negative ego manifested itself was in this sense I had of not being good enough to play with the experts. I was more concerned about how I would “look”, than the benefit I would get from being around experts and learning how to play better.
I was afraid to be vulnerable. I was afraid to admit that I didn’t know something, that I would be judged as not good enough. I think back to so many opportunities for growth that I had, where I let my ego get in the way by needing to look like I had it all together.
I want to help others not make the same mistake and miss out on growth opportunities. I did learn an important lesson from golf about life and leadership.
“In the game of golf, the only competition you face is yourself.”
The greatest golfer does not analyze how another golfer plays, he/she works on improving his/her own game by developing consistent habits that generate consistent good results.
The really smart golfers, take tips, own that it’s a game requiring constant growth and learning, and they don’t let ego get in the way of improving their game when others offer up constructive criticism.
The same is true in life, isn’t it? The more open we are to learn, the humbler we remain, the more fulfilled we become as we grow and become better than we were the day before.
Sadly, much like when I was in my 20s and 30s, many people spend a great deal of time figuring out how to become better than others or look like they have it all together. There is a fundamental problem with this strategy.
The problem is that you are essentially fooling yourself and holding yourself back from growing. By competing with others, you end up within a zero-sum strategy. You go after your slice of the pie, but there is only so much to go around. You end up having to force someone out of the game, and ultimately the same can happen to you.
What’s the alternative?
When you focus on your own game, and you stay open to growing, learning and being adaptive, you gain the brilliance and means to create new values. Being humble and hungry for growth will enable you to add something to the pie that is missing… making the pie bigger.
Widening the pie benefits you, and others too. If more people adopted this mindset, we would never experience economic downfalls and more people would experience prosperity.
Much like the game of golf, for us to experience sustainable success in life, requires we focus on developing ourselves to be consistent, productive, resilient, and above all people who add value to others.
“Focusing on adding values makes you a creator, while focusing on competing and beating others makes you a taker.”