Do’s and Dont’s- Assessing a Romantic Relationship

by April Kirkwood
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Whether it comes to an argument or just comments in general, what are some things you should never say to your S.O.? Disagreements are part of every relationship but assaulting someone’s integrity serves no positive purpose to the couple or the individual in which the remark was cast.  Fighting fair is an art that successful marriages have mastered. The goal is compromise without adding insult to injury.

Five comments that cut like a knife and leave someone feeling dis-empowered are:

  1. “I don’t know how you survive at work.”  The unspoken message, “You’re an incompetent idiot.”
  1. “If I know then what I know now.”  The hidden message, “I wish I never laid eyes on you.”
  1. “Forget, you’ll never understand.”  The true message, “I don’t even want to talk to you.  I feel that I’m a stranger to you.”
4.   “Why don’t you ever listen to me.”  The silent message, “I’m smarter then you and  you are the dullest nail in the wood shed.”
 5.  “Sure.  Good luck with that.”  The menancing message. “You can’t do it.  What the hell are you thining.  Go ahead and try.”

Three things to remember when you are considering if the relationship is worth a second try is  

1.  True love does not come often and once you find it, it’s worth the effort of keeping it.

2. Sexual passion is part of our DNA lasting only 23-36 months for procreation. It is not love.

3.  People are drawn together to work out unhealed issues.  That is the purpose of love; to create in one another better human beings.  Love is a place for spiritual healing, creativity, and growth.

 4.  Love is not dished out in equal proportions and it has a life with both highs and lows. Riding out the storm is what bonds two hearts together.  It’s not about just the fun times.  It’s about all the times.

That being said, if you want to get back with your ex follow these simple strategies:

1.  Allow your partner plenty of space to feel whatever it is they are going through.

2.  Make no judgments.  Judgments infer that one of you is right, and one is wrong.  That’s not a way to rekindle your affections.

3.  Go slow.  Do not give them ultimatums.

4.  Be truthful about why you want to couple up.

5.  Do NOT play games evoking jealously.

5.  Go about your business with confidence.  No one likes a wimp or a desperate person pleading and crying. Be the person they fell in love with.  Independent, funny, exciting, etc.

6.  Have fun.  No downer Debbie.

A relationship is home base where, within the walls of truth and privacy, individuals are reinforced, nourished, and supported to face the world by their significant other.  It is home where the heart thrives and beats to face wars that must be fought in the world. Without these essential elements, the relationship becomes a cold building where the heat has run out and the winds call us forth to look for shelter elsewhere.The slide into the abyss of good-bye to love arrives slowly into three main categories. Lack of awareness is the most powerful enemy of love. It is the disease the continuously stabs the heart until it can beat no more.

Here are the steps to the final goodbye to love. 

The first smoke signal the starved partner in emotional need is the act of actively and positively reaching out to their counterpart.  The one in need has high hopes and invests in energy to discuss and give hints to their needs. It can be as subtle as the comment, “Let’s get out of here and do something just you and I alone.”

If these are ignored, the person physically attempts to get attention by moving emotionally and sometimes physically out of close range. One reason is to protect themselves from disappointment as well as a means of punishment and revenge.  The partner may work late more often, stay longer at the gym, or dive into social media.  If love is to continue, it is at this second stage where awareness of each other’s emotional needs become apparent and reinforced.

The last and final nail in the coffin is when the starved partner thirsting for some emotional support shuts down and decides their partner and the relationship is unfulfilling. The final emotion is one of hopelessness.  It is here where affairs, separate vacations, deceptions, and lies degregate the bond that once kept them connected.The obituary:  This relationship died due to lack of emotional connection.

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April Kirkwood

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